I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Too much gin, very little bucket
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
