Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
