i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
