So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
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