If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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