the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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