Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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