First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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