I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Randomize
