Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
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