The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I need to calm my uterus...
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
