party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
