Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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