Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
