Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
