I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
