Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
The power of my boobs compel you
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
