why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
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