But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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