i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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