it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Randomize
