Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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