thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
