Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
