If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
