and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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