just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
