lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
