Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
MIDGETS
????
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Randomize
