I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
there was a trapeze. enough said
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Randomize
