so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Randomize
