So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
