I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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