I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
