They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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