you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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