Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
