upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
please come you make the beer taste better
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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