I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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