My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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