Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
