There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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