So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Randomize
