Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
