you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
