Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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