Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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