Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Sorry about my life...
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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