Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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