Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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