shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Randomize
