I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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